I CAN ACT
Last nights show of "Greener Grasses" was fun and felt so fast.
I heard we were on for 20-30 minutes but it felt like 2. The cast is wonderful and always brings new stuff to the stage making my role even easier and more enjoyable. Passion and Sabura were pleased and you actors all know how good it feels to please your director and writer! We also had the best audience! I know this show will be in full production SOON. THANK YOU!
After the show I was given praise which often is hard for me to recive and believe.
I know I'm good and come prepared but accepting compliments on my work is still uncomfortable. Which leads me to these thoughts. I ask other actors after their shows "How did YOU feel about it?" And recently I have heard "I rocked it!" or "Im one of the best there is!"etc. etc. Why don't I ever say that? Im always looking at the angle of what will be better next time and will basically say "It was fun". I don't really compliment my own work. I am too in the moment on stage to even remember so I only have my audience to tell me.
I'm an actor so I generally expect an actor to say things that indicate a need for growth. When they sound so confident and satisfied I often interpret this as complacent. Can I be honest? Well I always am right? LOL The actors that claim to be the best around and are always happy with the job they did are not my favorite actors and I can always think of someone I enjoy watching more. TOO CRITICAL? Well I am a Virgo and I place the same expectations onto myself. What's your take?
ETERNAL GRATITUDE
UHURU
THE MEANING OF LIFE
No, I am not even going to try answering that. These are my burning QUESTIONS:I often wake up and/or go to sleep wondering,"What is this thing called life?"Am I just aimlessly trudging along? Am I "doing" enough or too much? Am I doing anything worthwhile? What I am "supposed" to be doing? Do I pay more attention to beauty or chaos?How do I help end the condition of suffering for others? Is there anyway I can remove pain when I am often in my own? Do emotions really affect us physically? Is anyone truly "happy" or are they pretending? Will what motivates me today motivate me tomorrow? Will I stay angry about the same issues? Am I really a motherless child?As I get older why do I crave a mommy and daddy to crawl in bed with more than I did as a child? What would it feel like for God to hug me or rub my head? Do I believe in magic and miracles? Will I ever trust a man and believe in that kind of love again? Am I capable of recognizing and giving love? Am I getting too old for frivolous relationships? Am I going to have children? Can a man really get past my past?Am I forever wounded or am I forever the strong woman? Does anyone really know me?ADD QUESTIONS OR ANSWERS! I have over 250 hits in 1 year and about 10 comments?!My last question..Why doesnt anyone post a comment?ETERNAL GRATITUDEA special thank you to Sabura Rashid, Passion, Cecily, Serena, Rebeccah, Lisa-Roxanne, Adrain, Bill, Scott, Tiffany, Terry and Kenita. Plus the previous cast members of Greener Grasses. For being brave enough to present this work. And as Sabura mentions Thank You to the Ancestors, the ones who sold us, the ones who bought us and the ones who survived to make us who we is today.UHURU
Am I "just" Black?
I went into a familiar Dunkin Donuts in Queens today and the woman who sees me often wanted to ask me something. She was obviously hesitant and didn't want to disrespect me. Her question was one I am familiar with, "You are very pretty. Where are you from?" My answer is rarely accepted, "I am Black. From here, I was born and raised in New York." Well this woman without trying to insult me insisted I tell her more about where my family is from because "You don't look it." I don't look what exactly? Should I look more like a servant, more ignorant, dirty, ugly or invisible? I don't look like Oprah or anyone from BET?
Well today I didn't allow anger to rule my answers.
I graciously told her yes my people were slaves on this land, slaves that had been taken primarily from Africa and later the Islands and other parts of the world. I also insisted that, "Yes I do look like other Black American Women!" As often as I have had conversations like this they continue to disappoint, anger, frustrate and also sadden me. I am glad to report that when I told her that many people don't know the history of this country another immigrant white man (the woman is from India) concurred with me saying even people born here are not knowledgeable of the history.
I felt like she was saying I was too pretty to be "just black"! Black women are so exotic and can look like we are from ANYWHERE! What am I supposed to look like? Is her image of Black "Americans" so tainted? Why did she think it would be okay to tell me I am so pretty and follow it up by saying I don't look like my people? Okay so you all know about my 'mixed' heritage and so many of us have them, however I am a Black woman until and maybe after I die.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU??? This is what Dr. Joy Leary would call a teachable moment! It could have gone several ways but I am proud of the way I represented. I can always say more but for today I've had enough so YOU take it from here!
Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome...continues to take new victims daily! Make sure you see "Greener Grasses" at the Lower East Side Festival May 26. That woman could be you! Or you could be me! What will you say?ETERNAL GRATITUDE (a special Thank You to our Ancestors that made it possible for me to be called pretty, speak my mind and buy overpriced coffee!)
UHURU