work in progress

Are you Mom enough? The article on Attachment Parenting and extended breastfeeding seems to have sent shock waves and created a lot of judgmental and angry discourse among parents. I decided to weigh in as I am making lifestyle decisions for my soon to be 6 month young baby girl. First let me say I am a Black single mama that is exclusively breastfeeding. I have the “luxury” of being a part time student and freelance worker who can take baby along on most jobs. That comes with big financial sacrifices but the pleasure is most of my time can be dedicated to my little one and preparing us both for a life of comfort.

Breastfeeding..I will do it for as long as I can, my hope is she will wean herself by the age of two with encouragement. I don’t need to write anything more on this but I will say its easy for us its convenient its free and I love it she loves it she is gaining weight well and will start solid food soon.  

I  safely co sleep. I do not have help at home and from the reading I have done and children I witnessed raised letting them cry teaches nothing except “no one is coming for me.” I answer her cries EVERY time as soon as possible and plan to do so until she can talk and verbally express her needs/ wants. Now in my mind every cry indicates needs. I do not believe babies are manipulative monsters seeking to control me. And I know no matter how much holding, kissing, hugging and answering her calls I do now there will come a day probably at 14 or so when she will want no parts of me..so I better hold while the holding is good. After a full nights rest we are both better in the morning and she hangs out with her toys happily in her crib long enough for me to have breakfast and get ready for my day. It works for us so far!

Gentle discipline..yes that means I do not plan to spank. The Bible says…OK I hear you already. What does it say EXACTLY it says Proverbs 13:24 "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him sometimes."   That is Old Testament where it also says if your son is a drunkard you bring him to the town elders and have him stoned to death! Talk about an Intervention! The New Testament says “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” I don’t know a better way to provoke wrath than to all out hit someone and suppress their natural fight or flight response while doing it. I was advised to mention the Bible because when it comes to spanking many people like to get Old Testament on you.

Do you know if you tell an animal shelter you plan to spank a dog they won’t let you take it home? Why and how has hitting become such a cultural norm that some people think I plan to raise an unruly or disrespectful girl because I intend to never use hitting? I cannot engage the extensive argument that takes place around this in a short article so let me just say you don’t have to watch her and I promise to not let a psycho path lose on the streets if I see that happening.

Love don’t spoil. So you would rather buy toys that will not be played with and deny your child hugs and holding because you don’t want to “spoil” them. Uh huh. Let me know how that works for you. I hold my daughter whenever the space, my body, and timing will allow if her little arms reach out to be held I plan to give her the only thing that costs me NOTHING ..myself.

Is it “white” of me to do these things? NO its “primate” of me. This is the way mammals, specifically primates naturally care for their young. We can read books that will give us the tools to be patient, loving nurturers or we can read our way through literature that suggest there is a convenient way to parent. Parenting turns your world upside down and it should! You are responsible for an entire life. And honored as I am to care for her, as a single mom in an industrial society that often isolates people it is HARD and EXHAUSTING but her smile and laughter is worth every minute of it for me.

Suggested Reading for Parents or those considering it!

Reclaiming Childhood

Beyond The Sling

Mamas Little Baby